llewej irol (icarianbird) wrote,
llewej irol

  • Mood:
Well. I hate to say it, but it's officially over as of right now. Until we can work things out better and quit taking each other for granted, Stephen and I have terminated our relationship. We're still trying to hold onto being friends right now. Once we've worked back down to that level, we might consider working back up to being together, but we're both so stressed out right now all we're doing is hurting each other. We need space. He needs me to stop controlling his life and I need to not have to answer to him all the time. This way, I get school done without more stress than I need.

I now feel as if I've lost my best friend though. He's my confidant. He's the only person I truely trust with everything, including my life (although... Matt would probably be the best candidate to actually save me being a nurse and all). I mean... I trust everyone else to a degree, but its different. He knows everything about me that I could divulge and even the things that I would never tell anyone else. I miss him, but I understand that its for the better.

If any of you are actually friends with him and not just friends with him because of me you need to let him know this. He won't be calling or talking with ya'll because he believes that you're not really his friends. He believes that you're my friends and you just accept him because of that. I try to explain to him that that's not true, but you know how stubborn he can be. If you're his friend, please let him know that you still want him around. I hate to think that he won't have any friends because of this. That's worse than us breaking up. I will always worry about him and his well-being even if we never get back together.

I can't see my life without him involved and that's why, even though it hurts so much, I still want him as a friend. Even if that's the only thing we can be, I'd much rather have that than have nothing at all. We know too many blackmail-ish things on each other to not stay friends. Lol.

The only thing I have to look forward to now is that I don't have to answer to him when I'm going somewhere. I can just go. So... if I can get some money and there are any tickets left, I might be at the show Friday, Matt. You need someone to work your camera? You can't tell me that you're going to go to your last show without a camera? You can't be serious. Unless you're just going to record the show when it comes on TV? Let me know please. I want to see it. Bad. Real bad. I'll even bring my mom's digital camera and take stills when you're done if you'd like? We have a printer dock so I can take them home and pop 'em out quick. ;)

Okay well. That's the most recent of developments in my life. I thought I would brief you all now in case you saw me later and I was alone.


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