llewej irol (icarianbird) wrote,
llewej irol

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*sigh* I hoped that if I just avoided this it would go away, but I've been away from the compy for a week and that has given me time to evaluate things just a little bit.

Online Life < Real Life.

I get it now. Sometimes it takes a reality check to do it. Like the compy getting a virus. Thank you, God.

As for [this]... JADE, CHAKU, MEL. One last thought about it all and then my fate is in your hands. I cannot apologize for what I said because I know that, at that moment in time, I probably meant ever word. Now I'm better. If you knew me IRL, you'd probably understand. I'm pretty unstable when things start collapsing around me. Stress is bad for Lori. I will apologize for any problems that I may have caused. *sigh* I open my mouth first (or in this case type first) and think later. Honestly.

Main Entry: elite
Pronunciation: A-'lEt, i-, E-
Function: noun
Etymology: French élite, from Old French eslite, from feminine of eslit, past participle of eslire to choose, from Latin eligere
1 a : singular or plural in construction : the choice part : CREAM [the elite of the entertainment world] b : singular or plural in construction : the best of a class [superachievers who dominate the computer elite -- Marilyn Chase] c : singular or plural in construction : the socially superior part of society [how the elite live -- A P World] [how the French-speaking elite...was changing -- Economist] d : a group of persons who by virtue of position or education exercise much power or influence [members of the ruling elite] [the intellectual elites of the country] e : a member of such an elite -- usually used in plural [the elites..., pursuing their studies in Europe -- Robert Wernick]
2 : a typewriter type providing 12 characters to the linear inch

Number 1. No where in the above definition does it say that being an "elitist fuck" is bad. Elite is actually a good thing to be. I enjoy playing with you and thus that also makes you elite. It makes you part of my "elitist" circle, I supppose. I like you. I like Chaku. I like Mel. I was just EXTREMELY angry and hurt at the time that was posted. The game shutting down was one bit on top of several other hurtful things that were going on all at once. My relationship was crumbling and I was on the verge of losing the person that I loved above all others. Mostly because I had churned so much time and effort into MU instead of our love life. (I do that sometimes. I get carried away and I do that. I've been offline for a week and I can actually see it much better than I ever have.)

It was just a crushing blow. MU was the only thing I felt like I was any good at considering what was going on in our failing engagement. I covered it up. I hid it. When I was online or talking to friends, I pretended that we had no problems but we did. A great number of them. I won't go into details because we have worked through them and I prefer to keep these arguments personal because I don't want anyone I know IRL poking me for them in case they happen to be reading my taking-it-like-a-woman bit here.

Number2. Nicknames. Sorry. I was ranting. Although, and I'm not being evil this time, Chaos-Mod seems like a cute nickname when not used hatefully. Kick me, scream at me, love me, hate me. You can decide.

Number 3. *insert any others here* If you have anything else you want me to explain or you want to kick my ass for, please just let me know. Sress has subsided and I think I'm okay. I should be fine for a while. Honestly. I'm okay.

If either of you, I'm including Chaku here because of me being such a wench, want me out of your game(s)... just tell me and I'm gone. I've been an idiot and an evil child. If you don't want me around, like the tone of your post says, I'll go. No fighting. No battling. It's my own damn fault and I'm sorry that I've been such a wangst-whore here lately.

I'm still ShyLilHarlequin and I will be back online eventually once the computer is fixed. This is just the first installment of me being so very humbled by my relationship finally starting to right itself and me being a complete ass to everyone. It wasn't just you. It was EVERYONE. Forgive me for that at the very least, if you will.


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