llewej irol (icarianbird) wrote,
llewej irol

  • Mood:
  • Music:


Have you ever just sat for a minute and then realized you were alone. Not alone as in by yourself... but alone as in you have no one to call when you want to talk. Or no one to go out and have fun with? That's the way I felt last night. I felt utterly and hopelessly alone. My roommate, Christine, had some of her friends over and it made me miss my friends from high school.

I cried a lot last night. It helped that my week hasn't been the best week in the world. I've had people being rude and mean to me and then that disc eating my English paper for lunch. I just don't know why I feel like this. I guess I'm back in my slump again, though I usually can bounce back from shit like this. I just hate feeling this way. I've been so busy with Stephen and being with him that I've pushed all my friends away from me. Yes, I have friends in class, but I don't have anyone that I can sit and eat lunch with or anyone that will go out to the theatre or just out with me. I eat lunch alone most of the time. Unless Stephen comes to town and then he eats with me. *sigh*

I got to thinking about myself last night when Christine's friends were over. The girls were all so thin and pretty.... it made me feel so gross. I'm overweight and don't know what to do about it. I'm not motivated enough to go do something. I have no one to do anything with and thus... no motivation. I'm tired of looking like this, but the back of my mind just keeps telling me that I'll never be how I really want to be. I'll never be able to wear those cute jeans or that cute little baby-tee that I want. I'm stuck in clothes too big for anyone else I know but me.

God, I'm fixing to start crying again now...

I guess I should shut up then. All I do is pity myself and don't do anything about it. I just don't know what to do.

What would you guys do? What can I do just to make myself feel a little better?


  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.