llewej irol (icarianbird) wrote,
llewej irol

I'm trying to figure out how to tell my supervisor about my decision to switch jobs. I tend to not follow through with things because I may have to tell someone I like something unpleasant or do something that will disappoint them. There is a lot of baggage involved with changing to a job closer to home - both emotional and just real life baggage. I've come to think of many of these people as friends and I would hate to leave them, but my family is massively important in my life and being so far away from them is really tearing me up inside.

Tonight the example I keep thinking about is the weekend I went home and found out that my father is having trouble with fluid building up around his heart. I got home that weekend and found him fine, a bit tired from all the medicine and ER trips, but okay for the most part. What really sticks in my head is that instead of going home to visit, I could've been going home to a funeral. Granted, that is the worst case scenario, but still... one can't help but think like that. I don't want to get a phone call at three in the morning while I'm at work telling me that something has happened to a member of my family. I want to be close by so I don't have to drive two hours home while crying because of this bad something that might have happened.

Sometime this morning, I'm going to call the rep at Harris and ask a few questions. I could probably be available to them as early as the first week of January and I know I could stay with my parents/grandparents until I found an apartment for myself. I'm entirely too close to my family to be this far away from them. I depend on them way too much really, but I've been thinking on this for a long while. It doesn't have anything to do with my exam anymore. It's about my family and how I feel.

I'm definitely going to try to talk to Sylvia this morning before we leave. I've got to let her know so she can be ready. I'm NOT going to leave them unprepared for my departure. That's not fair. Charlotte's got some time off coming and I want to help cover for that before I go. Plus, working Christmas at $33 an hour isn't a bad deal. It would be helpful with the move.

Tags: ach, anxiety, certification, christmas, december, email post, family, feelings, friends, harris hospital, help me now!, home, lonliness, new job, newport, omg!, puzzled, work

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