March 1st, 2004

[xkcd] Rapture

Me bitchin' bout my relationship...

Okay. There's been some tension between Stephen and myself here lately. I'm still trying to figure out why. He's been using this tone as of late everytime I talk to him and I'm always doing something to piss him off. Really... the only reason I'm having problems is because it seems like he doesn't care anymore and that damn tone he uses everytime I say something contrary! So because I do what I do, he gets mad again and uses that tone that I hate which causes me to be a bitch and so on and so forth. Its a vicious cycle, but then again... with me everything is.

So he's feeling neglected by me and his friends. Yeah, Matt. He thinks you don't like him anymore or something. I tried to get him to talk about it, but I've slept since then. He gets a vibe from you like you don't wanna hang with him anymore and be his friend. Haven't told you this, but he was real upset that he didn't get to go to or be in your wedding. Real upset. He still sees you as his best friend and... -shrugs- I guess you don't. I mean. I don't know what I mean. And Brian. Well... he feels like you're my friend and not his. But I just don't think that's true. You love us both, I'm sure. ^_^ Me? Well. I'm still pissed for missing the wedding, but that's just me. I read the paper more often now btw. I think our bonds are just fine, but I take it into consideration that Matt and Nikki live in 3 or 4 different lil worlds now. There's the married life and the baby. All domesticated. And then theirs the working life. I pity you for having to work nights, man. Really. I couldn't do it. I can't even work days. And then there's Friends and Wrestling. Another lil world all its own. Wrestling is awesome and I love it. Plus we get to spend some quality time crashing at the Williams' household. ^_^ My poor Stephen, though, he's stuck in a tiny little circle of friends while everyone else has a lot more than he does. I try to help him, but he just doesn't want any help.

Maybe that's why we're having such a hard time? Me being all matronly again. But that's my nature even if I don't like children. I'm motherly and caring. BAH! Hopefully that part of me will go away eventually. It bothers me sometimes. I just wish Baboo would cool it and just talk to me. I really miss what the beginning of our relationship was like. We charished every minute together. Now we barely even have a good time anymore. He does stupid things out in public, just like years ago, and I chastize him instead of laughing. But it embarasses me. Why? I dunno. He always kept telling me that I needed to grow up and I'm finally trying to do so, but now he hates me for it. Does this seem rational to you? Yeah. o_0

So he's always pissed off at me and I'm always pissed at him, so what do we do now? I really don't want to break off everything we have. He's really my best friend... more than anyone. Matt and Brian are tops, but Stephen really is my best friend. I don't think I could live my life without him now that I've lived with him for so long. Besides... I don't think I'd do anything but compare guys to him. I do that now anyways. I feel ashamed when I have to talk to a guy for some reason? Maybe its because he's so worried that I'll cheat on him up here, that I want to keep myself from ever doing so? I figure that's it. The only guys I'm really actually comfortable around are very few in numbers. Matt, Brian, Daniel of course, Morgan, and then Austin and Carl (my co-workers). You just have to get used to them eventually. They're hilarious, all of them. I just wish I could figure out how to fix myself instead of trying to figure out what's wrong with him.

GRRR~! I've got to get to work. Prolly won't be able to get back online until 4 or even later. I don't need to be online though so if anyone sees me, tell me to go study. I have a bunch of exams this week and I need to quit skimping. Brian, how do you keep from slacking?? How did you do it, Matt? Or are you both slackers at heart? ^_^ I'm gonna have to seek counseling for my damn procrasination. Bastard procrastination.

well... later guys and gals...

--lj
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