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May 30th, 2005

SW: EPIII

My whole world is shattered as I have just seen the end of the way of life that I have held in my heart for nearly 20 years. The Jedi... Gone. But only two remain and they are scattered to the stars. One to Dagoba and the other to Tatooine. The twins will grow, but they will never learn of their true nature until that fateful day that Lord Vader has Luke in his clutches.

The Sith have risen...

There is no other way to put it than that.

Sadness, anger, fear... They all filled my heart as I watched each Jedi struck down by the very troops and Republic that they were leading... serving. And the death of the Younglings... Tears filled my eyes and stained my cheeks. To think that Anakin could do such a thing to even a child filled me with hatred, lothing, and yet still there was a sadness and pity in my heart for him. Did he even know what he was doing to himself? That the Darkside would so consume him in this way? Did he not see the lies before him? That the Dark Lord was doing nothing more than manipulating him into servitude?

No. He did not.

And this is what fills my heart with even more pity and dread. He couldn't see that Amidala couldn't be saved. He wouldn't see it. If only he could've let go of the things that he feared... If only he could've trusted in his true Master, his most trusted brother. But then there would be no reason for Luke to rise. For him to fight for the freedom of a universe. To restore the order that was destroyed by the newly risen Emperor. The tide of Darkness has risen, but we all know that it will be ebbed by the flow of the Jedi as they return to power through the young Luke Skywalker. We all know how it ends, but its the beginning... the fall of the first Chosen One... that truely troubles me beyond belief.

I... am... shattered...
-sighs-

Stephen and I have just had a wonderful night together and I've been able to release all my aggressions. I've been praying with my rosary (I was neglecting it and I need to quit doing that) and it has made me fell much better really. No, I'm not Catholic, but Stephen's step-aunt provided one for me because she gives them out to everyone as little gifts. It makes me focus on things and I see that I've been a bit too aggressive. I don't want to turn out like Anakin. My god. He killed Younglings. I will just breathe, keep the peace, and keep things here if I'm feeling hostile. My journal, my thoughts... Its easy.

Like I said before, Stephen and I had an outstanding night. We watched SW: EPIII and Mindhunters. Plus we had dinner in between. It was a lovely night out and it made me feel good. I recommend Mindhunters to anyone who liked Saw. Seriously screwed up, but its great. Really.

I'm gonna get outta here 'cause its late. I've got to get home and get to bed.

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