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December 27th, 2008

Real Update.

All inspiration to write has simply left my body. I want to write. I feel the need tingling in my fingers like some sort of sci-fi/fantasy junkie who's looking for their next hit. I grab a pen and paper and stare at it for an hour before finally watching television. I scribble down lyrics to the songs on my iPod simply so that I have something to write down, but still I'm not satisfied. It's like my personal muse has ran off and left me with nothing, but this addiction to creation. I don't understand exactly why it has happened (again), but usually it's because I'm burned out. Maybe that's what it is? Maybe my mind is just burned out from all the crap I've been having to do for the past three months?

I can't say for sure what's going on with my mind, but I know for a fact that it is damn annoying. Holding a pen in my hand and staring down at that notebook just drives me absolutely bonkers. I absolutely feel as if I need to be writing something down on that paper when I look at it. I need to add text to that blank white page and make it full of wonderful little looping marks that I will be able to read over again and edit to my own delight. Currently, this is the only thing that is helping my 'addiction' to writing and it's actually soothing the scrambled feeling in my brain a little bit.

I just wish I could write down all the kick-ass dialogue that i can come up with when I'm driving somewhere. (Oh, yes, I talk to myself while I'm driving down the road and in the car alone.) It's like my muse prefers riding in the car to staying home. I get all these absolutely wonderful lines that I need to write down, but I never have the time or the paper to stop and scribble them down. I had this whole monologue about darkness worked out and what did I do? I forgot it as soon as I stepped into the door of the house. It was awesome. I wanted to add it to the list of things that would eventually go into something that I'm going to write, but it flew off like a butterfly. It makes me want to bang my head against the wall. I feel stupid talking into a tape recorder and listening to myself in it so I can't stand the thought of doing that to capture those moments. Grrrr. Eventually, I may be able to recapture that 'darkness' monologue because it was pretty freakin' sweet and I do remember a little bit of it. The gist of it is in my head and so maybe I'll write it down before I head to bed? I just wish everything could come to me as easily in real life as they do when I'm driving or I'm working. I'd be extremely happy.

Oh, and I think my earbuds are shorting out. :( These suckers are expensive. I so hope they aren't. I like them so much, but I'm too hard on them. I keep dropping my music player while they're in my ears and I'm sure that's wrenching the wiring apart somewhere. Definitely not good for them. .... Or maybe it's the jack on my computer? They're working fine with my iPod. Hmm.

So, Christmas? It went well. Better than projected considering how I felt after Thanksgiving. Nikki said that Christmas was easier for them as well. I'm guessing that the first holiday was the one full of shock so the second wasn't as hard as the first. It was still hard, but just not so much.

And what did I get? Let's see... I got an iPod Nano in purple (the blue just wasn't that pretty, I think) and a new blue Nintendo DS. I asked for both of those and I am extremely pleased. Even if I hadn't gotten them, I would be okay because I already had older versions of both. I just wanted upgrades. Wade got my old DS so he would quit stealing mine and Stephen got my Shuffle because he's wanted an iPod for a while and I definitely don't need it now. I also got two $25 iTunes gift cards (one of which I gave to Stephen to get some music for his new iPod, but don't tell my mom... or Wade for that matter). Wade was kinda upset about those, but they weren't on his list. Mine was very specific this year. I also got a carrying case for my DS which is pretty freakin' sweet. I've always wanted one of those. Let's see... Oh, I got two styluses (styli?) for my new DS. They're pen-length lightsabers and they both light up. ^_^ I love them very much. My mom is awesome. OH! I finally got a Nerf gun that I've been asking for for years. My mother (actually my Paw-paw) got my brother and I full automatic Nerf rifles. Awesome. I'll have to get pictures with the thing because it's HUGE. Paw-paw found batteries (because the damn thing needs them to go automatic) and I installed them this afternoon. It worked! The only problem is that the manufacturer stiffed me on 50 darts. There were supposed to be 100 in the box and I only had fifty. Wade had 100, but the lever to cock the gun in one-shot mode won't stay on his gun so I guess we're even. I can shoot faster, but he has more ammo. -shrugs- Hmmm... I got a scarf in Dirty Santa at the Jewell family party. Apparently, I'm starting a collection of the things. Now I have four now, I believe. What else did I get? Candy. Lots of candy. My mother always fills our stockings with candy. It's a tradition that I enjoy very much.

So, I'm pretty sure that's everything. I probably missed something somewhere. I keep feeling like I did, but I'm not real sure what I missed. I just really find it funny that, after years of asking for a Nerf gun, my mother finally got me one. I didn't quite expect her to get me an automatic rifle though. It goes fully auto at the touch of a switch and has to ammo belts that you load with 25 darts apiece. Love it so much.

At the moment, Wade is still working on our Final Fantasy version of D&D and I'm down for it. It's an awesome thought. I really can't wait to play even if I don't think it's going to work out because none of us seem to be entirely interested in the D&D part. I mean, we want to play, but the mechanics take so much that I think we're going to do more foolin' around than actual gameplay. Wade did get those D&D4.0 books though so he's more determined than ever to finish. At least now he can actually reference his books considering that he couldn't before since his computer had kicked the bucket. Though Bids thinks he can fix it. (Yes, I did just call you 'Bids,' Brian.) I'll be happy if he does and Wade just leaves the thing alone. Like my father, he keeps trying to 'fix' things and they end up worse than before. I think it's a family curse.

Okay. I probably need to get to bed. Tomorrow sometime we're going over to Matthew's to do something. I have no clue what that might be, but it's sure to be entertaining. Just watching Matt be weird is entertainment enough for just about all of us.

Good night.

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