llewej irol (icarianbird) wrote,
llewej irol

I think the placebo effect of having this medication is working. I feel significantly less stress right now. Now, if the actual medicine kicks in, I'll be awesome.

My back is still feeling nasty, but that's because of work. :( I have a really sprained muscle and it's like "ARGH!" if I sit or sleep wrong. I have Somas to take before bed, but I don't know if they're working for it or not. I do know it's zonking me out pretty well though.

It's about bedtime right now and I think I should be doing that soon. No word from mom yet, but I'm going to call her before I lay down for the afternoon. She's going to have a friend of her's find out if there is/will be a position open in Newport soon. I applied at St. Bernard's because there IS one there, but I'd rather go to Harris because I can be closer to home that way. Though my dad lives in Grubbs and works in Jonesboro so if he can do it, I can too, you know? Gas might suck, but I get pretty good mileage in my car.

Honestly, I'm just so tired of being out here alone. The sooner I can get out of this tiny box of an apartment, the better. Even if I'm living with my grandparents for a while, it will be awesome. I miss my family. They're my support and my rock. Now that my mother is one of my best friends, I really miss her. I mean, we were never very close because she was the mom and I was the child. I saw a definite line there and never crossed it. When she came and stayed with me for three weeks, we got a lot closer than we have ever been because she was there when I needed her. She helped take care of me and I'm so grateful for that. I can really be myself with my mom now and it's great. It makes me happy that we're finally at this level - my family is content together. Even my dad and brother can get along. It's freakin' awesome. I think it took all our health problems for us to realize just how much we mean to each other.

I got a phone call from mom yesterday. My grandmother and my dad both had "spells" yesterday. They think my grandmother passed a freakin' kidney stone. That's just wow. She was on the verge of losing her kidneys like two years ago (one never rebounded from it's 100% renal artery blockage; the other was somewhere above 90% but they saved it with a stint) and now she's passing freakin' stones. Dad had some high blood pressure and felt horrible so mom bought a blood pressure cuff so they could keep check on it. She thinks he might have had a panic attack really. I asked her since when does dad have panic attacks and she said he's had a lot of anxiety with this heart thing and so I can understand. His heart thing has been giving me anxiety. I don't want to lose my dad any time soon.

I think I've just repeated the same thing I've said somewhere way back. Every time something happens to dad, I worry, but I'm really not that worried since he's on meds and such. I think he'll be okay. On the brighter side, I happen to have 120/82 blood pressure. I found that out when I went to the doctor thursday. I was like shit. I'm well over 300 lbs but apparently my heart is healthy. HA! It's all that cardio/sports from when I was a kid. LOL. I really need to get back into exercising of some sort again. Just walking would be a good idea, but I'm always so tired in the mornings after work.

Hm... my air is supposed to be fixed tomorrow sometime. I'm in my apartment right now, but it's not hot today. It's very cool and I have the patio door open. I'm probably fixing to head over to the "show apartment" that they have me set up in so I can get to bed a little early. I was so hungry last night because I didn't eat when I got up and so I want to get up a little early so I can tonight. And I want to read some more of Starship Troopers. I started reading it after watching the movie and I've come to realize that the movie is NOTHING like the book. They took some really big liberties with that story for the script. I mean REALLY BIG. So much so that they changed the whole thing. I'm kind of disappointed. Though the book is still wonderful. After this, I'm going to re-read The Forever War because I'm in a futuristic-scifi-soldier mood. Books are becoming appealing again and that's wonderful because for a while I would look at a book and just go "bleh." My poor brain refused to acknowledge that they even existed anymore. Seriously.

Well... I need to gather my things to take over across the way.

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