llewej irol (icarianbird) wrote,
llewej irol

My grandmother passed away today around 11:00 am CST. There was very little cognitive function on her EEG and a large percentage of her lungs had hardened beyond use so the pulmonologist suggested that we let her go with what dignity she had left rather than waiting on her lungs to simply pop from the amount of pressure that was being put on them.

I don't know if anyone believes me, but I could see on her face that she knew what was going on and that she was scared. I could see it and feel it. I didn't want them to let her go, but I understood. I kissed Mawmaw, told her that I didn't think it was fair either, and then told her that I loved her. She shouldn't have died, but the quality of life that she was going toward if this surgery had worked, dialysis three times a week forever and ever, would have pissed her off really bad so maybe it was for the best? We simply say that God decided how it was supposed to be and go from there.

I'm still moving in with Pawpaw, but this is probably another one of those fate things. He shouldn't be stuck alone at this bad time. It was just him and Mawmaw. This way, he's still got someone there. They were married for 48 years, had two daughters, four grandchildren, and one great-grandchild before she passed.

My aunt is taking it really hard because she says that her mom was her best friend. My Pawpaw doesn't want to cry in front of us and that's probably why he went home not long after we left the hospital. My mother and aunt are having to make the funeral arrangements for him. Oddly enough, my aunt found a letter on her computer last year (almost a year to this date ironically) that outlined her funeral plans. But that's very much like my Mawmaw - control freak to the end.

I'm going to be packing and sending things home for the next few days so I won't always be available. -sigh- I don't want to do it, but now I must because there's really nothing left for me here anyway.

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