llewej irol (icarianbird) wrote,
llewej irol

Its Friday again . . . .

Well. Yup its Friday again. And apparently i've survived the week. Its hard to imagine how, but i've done it. *Sigh* But not with out major problems.
BTW I'm a ...

What kind of ANGEL are you?

Quiz made by Angela

Lovely huh? I'm doing the quiz thing as I type about my week. :D Well. Anyways. This week I've been hurt, sick, and fought with my fiance'. We made up of course, but it hurts when we fight. Usually its just because we're both kinda stressed and this was no exception.
Don't know who this is but i took it anyways ...

This stong idealist values friendship highly, and will never give up on those
she loves.

What Obernewtyn Character
are you?

So anyways. We got through that fight, like normal, and he confessed to me that he's been depressed again here lately. Okay. Don't think he's just playing the argument off. This boy is a Manic Depressive. When he says depressed you have to take it seriously. She for the past 2 days we've been talking about it and just being together. He told me he's scared to tell his Mom because he doesn't want to go back to "ReHab." I don't want him to go either. Then out of the blue, he told me yesterday as I babysat for a friend of the family that he told his mom. And that they're going to see his doctor tomorrow (which is actually today).
Oh. here's one I like the answer to ...


Futuretellers have an uncanny knack of knowing what is going to happen, well before anybody else. Alot of futuretellers have truedreams, whereas some, like Brydda, have what they call a 'sixth sense'. Futuretellers are usually very quiet, and reserved, yet they are loyal and trustworthy.



Farseekers posses the ability to communicate over great distances via telepathy. They are great friends who know when they're needed, and seem to be able to detect others thoughts.
is your Misfit Talent?

Anyways. We talked last night, and he is so worried about being put into another "ReHab" facility. I told him to just tell his doctor that it wouldn't do any good. Then I told him, "Better than that, just tell him to talk to me and I'll tell him why!" I know exactly why Stephen doesn't need to be in one of those places. It'll make him angry. When he gets angry he gets sick ... he gets upset. It would cause more damage to stick him into ReHab than to just give him a few bottles of pills and let him come home to me. I'll cool my attitude a bit and be a lil more considerate of his feelings and needs, which I have been neglecting. I haven't been thinking about Stephen before I do things and go places and its stressing him out. It upsets him because he realized it long before I did. And I LIE! I can't help it. It wasn't a lie when I said it ... it just became a lie later. I'm working on that though. Instead of saying "Yes, I'll do that." or "Maybe," i'm just saying "No." and if he has a problem with it, I tell him that its because I don't want to lie to him.
Such delicate creatures these men are. I don't understand it. I thought we were the frail flowers? I'm definately not frail ... and not a flower. *sigh* I don't know what to do. I don't want Stephen to suffer, but I don't want him locked away somewhere. He didn't just tell me he was depressed, he told me a few other things.
Okay. To understand this boy, you have to understand how his mind works. I understand just enough to explain it ... I think. From what he's told me, Stephen's brain is constantly running. He's always thinking about two or three things at once and always solving problems. Even in the most *ahem* intimate of moments. He has a hard time just sleeping because his brain is still running all that information as he lies there. (Now you understand why he's so messed up.) Well ... He's told emthat the information usually just kinda scrolls around in the form of words and sentences and things. (Think Matrix only real words) Yesterday he informed me that those words and sentences have taken on a life of their own and became voices. (No the voices aren't telling him what to do.) He doesn't like they way its heading, so he's going to his regurlar doctor-doctor, i think. (But hopefully not back to that same Shrink he had before. That guy was creepy.) So it all made sense to me now. Why he had been getting so upset as of lately. He was becoming more and more stressed due to these new "voices" popping up.
And this helped me understand why our fight got like it did. So don't think I enjoy violence or anything because I don't, but oh when was it ... Tuesday? Okay. Tuesday, during our argument, Stephen scared me. He was just outrageous. Of course, I didn't help any. :D But we were lying on his bed arguing, as goes the norma manner of argument, and it got really heated. So to relieve the stress of the argument, Stephen's punching his bedroom wall. See ... this always freaks me out because I have a very, very low threshold for pain. To put it simply, I can't stand any at all. He's completely opposite. He's banged his head into the side of a steal cabinet to show off to our buddies. (Hmm .. this explains the voices.) So he's punching the wall and then every once and a while checking it for dents because he's got to explain to his dad why there's dents in the drywall. And of course, the big baby I am, I'm crying because I don't want him upset because I know how bad it is on his stomach and fragile psychie (however you spell it).
Well, I can't remember what either of us did or said because it was Tuesday and we've already made up and understand why this is happening, but all of a sudden he just grabbed my throat and held for maybe not even a few seconds and then pulled away quickly. I know I'm annoying in times of arguemnt, but that's the 3rd time its happened. I've actually deserved it once. Believe me ... I did. Mom would've done it had he not.
Anyways, I'm off the subject. This freaked me out even more than the punching the wall normally does and I threatened to leave and all the normal shit, still crying my eyes out. We fought for a little while longer, partly because he would't let me leave and partly because I just sat there when he let me. It was long and drawn out much longer than it should have been.
Yesterday he told me that he never realized he had me like that. He couldn't remember how long or why he even did it. It wasn't but for a moment but it scared the hell out of me. I took it as calmly as I can (I kicked at him and cried even more) and we just went on from there. We have a very violent relationship. Not violent like beat each other up everyday ... okay? Violent like pick on each other by swapping licks on the arm. We're rough wrestlers. Its just that he's so damn strong and i'm such a wuss. I'm the QUEEN of the Wussies!!
*sighs* He is strong though. Very strong. *melts as she thinks of his arms around her* I love that he's strong. In more ways than one. He's so much more grounded than me. I'm always off in some fantasy world, trying not to be me, and he's holding down a full-time job. (Was is the correct term. We're both broke at the moment.) I do love him ... even with all the problems. Isn't that True love? I hope so.
Well ... look how much I wrote. Guess I'll go for now.


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