llewej irol (icarianbird) wrote,
llewej irol

Dating is a Jungle.

So, gaosalad has been blogging again and it makes me want to try to take another turn to keep up with my own blogging needs again. To be honest, blogging on its own will probably help cure my need to write all the time. I'll get to feel my fingers as they tap the keys out and enjoy doing that, even if it's non-fiction. I figure the easiest thing I can ramble on about is the one thing that is currently consuming my life—dating and trying to figure out what to do with myself. I'm going to be very candid and specific so if you think you don't want to read all my TMI, then I suggest you stop right now. Thanks.

Starting from the very bottom of the dating ... things. I can safely say that I am very much into guys. I am neither confused nor trying to hide/question my sexuality. Going through all these nummy pictures of available men has completely reinforced this and so I know for a fact that is not my problem. This eliminates that whole series of questions about what could be wrong with me/my approach to dating. I will acknowledge that some women are extremely sexy and it's not hard for me to agree on that. The difference is, I don't look at a woman and immediately want to jump her bones like I do a man. *purr*

Continuing down the list of things that I'm trying to analyze about my dating habits/approach, I hit my tendency to be an introvert. This is a major roadblock really. I feel uncomfortable approaching men and asking them for their number/asking them out. I've been this way pretty much all my life. I attribute it to the fact that, the few times I've asked guys out, I've been shot down (and not to mention sometimes laughed at). I just don't want to put myself through that again. I figure that I might as well just wait for them to ask me out. It's easier to let the ones that want to get to know me do it so I'm not asking out guys who don't think I'm even in their league. What good is going through profiles and messaging men that I think will be a good match to me if all they do is look at my picture and toss me out?

A trend that I should've known would happen is that men don't read profiles. Everything you'd ever want to know about me is in my profile. When I get guys asking questions in which the answers are right there in front of them, I get extremely aggravated. It makes me wonder why I even try. I could just put in it that I quack like a duck and have webbed toes and they'd probably never even notice.

A day doesn't go by when I get a message telling me how sexy my lips are. There are the rude guys who make crude jokes about it ("i think u know why haha") and then there are the others that really mean it. Eyes, lips, and smile are the things that everyone seems to love about me. It's too bad that's all they seem to love.

There's also a trend that I keep seeing. Everyone wants my number. Personally, I don't like giving out my number to guys that I don't know. I've already had two or three giving me super creepy vibes and I just don't like it. People ask why they can't have my number and it's because these people freak the fuck out of me. I don't know them. They could be psychotic. Scares the hell out of me. I've had my damn fill of psychotic and I don't want anymore. Guys want to meet me at my house? Fuck no. I'm not into that. I don't want some crazy guy knowing where I live. I don't now why guys don't understand that when I tell them that in a nice way. It's just a preference. If I like the way you talk to me and/or we meet, maybe I'll give it to you after that.

Now to a rundown of the guys I'm talking to...

WES: From West Memphis; 28; Virgo; 5'6"; A little rotund; red hair. Not the cutest thing ever. He looks like he's got some kid of repaired hair lip. He's a cop so I know he's a hard worker. College grad (CSI program). He's really nice, fun to talk to (most of the time), and has a great sense of humor. I just can't get past the physical. The lip thing really bothers me. I want to like him, because he thinks I'm hot, but I just can't and I can't figure out how to let him down easily. It's fun going out with him AND he's going to show me how to shoot a pistol. I feel like I'm using him when I say stuff like that thought. He's a nice guy and I'm sure someone would be happy to have him, but I just don't think he's the one for me.

Example of a conversation we've had:
Wes: Ok. I have a little pistol (.22 cal) you can start with to get safety and gun handling skills down.
Me: Thought you said .22's have no stopping power? lol
Wes: We don't need stopping power. LOL we need to make sure you can shoot straight and not drop my much more expensive gun.
Wes: who's the expert here anyway? I mean I don't try to tell you how to fix those thingamajigs at your job. LOL
Me: Lol. Just checking.
Wes: I usually start females on small pistol. Get down the basics with no recoil then build up. Your very sexy but I don't want you to drop my 500 dollar gun.
Me: I really don't think I want to drop your $500 gun either.
Wes: That's reassuring

PRESTON: From Jonesboro; 34; 6'2"; Gemini; heavier than average, but looks great in a golf/driving cap; brown hair; glasses. I don't know an awful lot about him as of yet, but I keep getting a creepy-stalker vibe from him. He's entirely too enthusiastic about wanting to get a photograph from me (though he specified that it was for his phone and he didn't mean a pr0n one). Cuter than Wes, but his enthusiasm makes me weary and I told him that. He calls me "baby" and "honey" and it's creepy. I'm trying to not let it bother me, but my freak alarm goes off over the simplest things due to Thing One being a beast.

TONY: From Memphis; 37; 6'5"; Taurus (which have been lucky in my horoscope on FB lately 0_o); pretty heavy-set, but going to be doing gastric bypass in July (so sayeth the mighty profile) which was interesting to know up front; Shaves his head bald, but it's still kinda cute. I don't know a huge amount about him either, but I do know he's got two kids and a vasectomy. Odd, but he was asking if I minded that he had kids and I said I didn't and spewed the general "I don't want any anyway" line. Finishing a Masters degree while working in medical device manufacturing. Loves carpentry (we discussed how he build his own 3-story deck for his house which sounded amazing). From the discussions we've had, I really like his personality. I'm just one of those shallow people who doesn't like obese guys (pot calling the kettle black anyone?). Of course, there is the little dangly bit about getting the gastric bypass (which I wanted to see if he'd read up about it and gotten all his options, because I hear that's a pretty dangerous/bad surgery sometimes). He's cute and very confidant. Plus, he's done having kids which is a definite plus for me. Love a man who doesn't care if I have his kids. :D

Example of a conversation we've had:
Tony: so let me ask you this . . . got kids or want em?
Me: That would be a no to both questions.
Tony: really. you don't want any kids. why is that? if its too personal, just say so. I can't have anymore. I shut teh factory down
Me: I just don't want any. I'm content without them.
Me: Is that a bad thing? Or just unexpected?
Tony: oh no. not a bad thing at all. like I said, I can't have em anyway so I'm fine with no kids. I do have 2 but they're pretty darn well behaved.
Tony: does that bother you?
Me: Not at all.
Tony: just keep em away from you? lol
Me: I don't mind kids that aren't mine. :D
Tony: well the man (me) is still eligible to be yours then. lol
Me: Lol.

HEATH: Originally from Springfield, MO, but lives in Florida now for school/work (bragging about $65/hr as a mechanic too, little smartass); Skinny as a stick; blonde hair (gaosalad thought he looked like a stoner); Smartass, but in a good way; Has a 2-year-old boy. Met him on XBL a long time ago and he pissed me off by ganging up on me in Magic. Apparently, after talking to me for a while, he decided that I'm the kind of girl he would love to date. Just too bad he didn't still live in Springfield. He flirts with me at night and we watch some Netflix together, but I doubt I can see that going anywhere. I've had my dealings with younger men (though he's leaps and bounds more mature than Thing One and Two) and I just don't know if I could date someone that much younger than I am again. Plus, we've had disagreements on a few fundamental ideas that we've discussed.

So that took forever, but I think that lays most of it out again. I'm sure I'll have more to type up later, but I'm exhausted and I'd like to go to bed.


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